Last month, I went through ten days of a dramatic increase in stress. It sucked, I was activated and lost.
It took me a few days to realize it had to do with money and my approach to life. Specifically, it was because of a reflexive resumption of the worldview I have had for most of my existence. I don’t think I need to go into the scarcity mindset with you folx… I have a feeling you know all about it.
This resource-induced anxiety came on because of a few things. I mentally/emotionally/physically *couldn’t* get through the food-stamp process. I was denied SSDI. And I finally did a budget spreadsheet for my Renaturing business and the rest of my bills, and I know what the gap is. So this was a combination of the inability to get the help we could be entitled to and a black-and-white view of finances.
And poof, I was back in that mindset!
Being there made me realize that I haven’t been, for some portion of the last 18 months.
I have learned to embody SE™️ principles. As I talk about these things, you will recognize them. This isn’t just SE stuff, I’ve been hearing/reading/learning about this outlook for a decade. But I never grok-ed it. I never got it on the fundamental level where one lives things instead of trying to do things.
Here’s what I’ve been doing, both in my practice with clients; and in practice with myself. I’ve been “playing.”
That is, I’ve been holding every piece of information lightly, and with humility. I don’t, can’t, know anything for sure. This is easy to understand with clients- I’m not in their shoes, and I can’t ever know all the bits of information. When I think something looks like [this thing I’ve learned], it may be. But it all might not be. And I can also understand that if the supposition is helpful, we can hold it lightly. If it doesn’t resonate with my client, then we drop it, easy-peasy.
On the other hand, using this principle with myself is harder, but I’ve been practicing it for a little longer. What works for me is to say, “I’m telling myself the story that…” It reminds me that even my lovely brain is still just finding patterns and putting things together. And if the pattern changes or I can rearrange the info into a new order, it could point to something completely different. Holding it lightly.
I also have been practicing titration across the board. When I notice (or am told) that a client is getting overwhelmed, we pull back, change the subject, resource. And I am working on doing the same thing in my own life.
It’s not been easy for me! Just like you, I learned to push push push. Do all the things, as fast and as soon as I can. To consider all the facets. As long as they were the right ones… My own energy levels, my own enthusiasm for the task, or how it would affect me to do said task were not included in the evaluation.
Turns out, my own perspective and health are damn important!
In fact, this post is late, this month, because of the neglect I’ve shown my body all my life. Now, when I get a cold, or anything else, it knocks me down for 4-5 times longer than it used to. So I’m going on day 13 of a cold instead of day 3.
And when I say neglect, I have done everything I learned to take care of my meat suit. But I neglected to listen to, hear, and respect it. To actually care about it.
But for the last 18 months, I’ve been going through a crash course in learning to take care of the whole me. Brought on by both invisible illness and SE practice and training.
And I have some things to show for it. A business that I’m proud of, with amazing clients who find value in our time together. A life’s work that prioritizes my own well-being because I can’t help others effectively if I’m not living this way. I have been doing the groundwork for this business for years, but it wasn’t till I started learning and living these principles that it all came together.
Those 10 days in February that I mentioned at the beginning? I lost track of the playfulness: holding things lightly, only doing as much as feels good, not getting caught in shoulds. And everything got worse. I even got stressed out about client sessions, which have been one of my happiest places since I started them.
Within two days of realizing what had happened, I was back to my new-old self.
I have heard/read/been taught all about how one can get the best life by “playing” through it. It’s a whole new worldview. And I never really understood it until I had wandered into it, then lost it!
I hope you can find a way to find it. If the way I talk about this stuff helps you, yay!