I’ve had a few discussions with clients and colleagues over the last month or so regarding what makes a “good” practitioner.

That term is so subjective…

In this case, though, we were talking about someone effective, confident, and can hold a compassionate container for you (the client or group member) to feel “safe enough” to do your work to resolve and grow.

So what is the number one criterion?

Doing the work in both ways.

I’m going to make this personal.  As if my process can be held up to some bar.  To be clear, I am a skilled practitioner, and I continually strive to become an exceptional one.  And I know I’m not a good fit for everyone, just as I know there are better, more experienced practitioners out there.

As I practice and work with clients, I gain depth and breadth of experience.  I am better able to hold space for whatever comes.  To not be surprised or thrown by topics or presentations.  With time in the practitioner seat comes the ability to guide people through their own experiences, even if I haven’t dealt with it before (personally or professionally).

Some practitioners indeed specialize.  And I certainly have in regard to the group work I offer.  However, when it comes to individual work, I am versatile because I am curious and recognize that a single person can hold a wide range of experiences and traumas.  And although there can be distinct ways that each type or stage of trauma can show up, if we are familiar with the way your body shows things, we can work with it, resolve it.

The other “way” to do the work, to be a better practitioner???

To do my own work.  I got into this work because I have had my own lifetime’s worth of trauma; I can’t possibly tell clients that this work can take years while pretending I don’t need the same.

In working with my own practitioner, I delve deeply into my own process.  In multiple ways, through different channels, feeling different things.

In a very real sense, I can only take a client as deep as I have gone. 

When I started working with clients, I kept them from looking too closely at any one thing.  Because I couldn’t do so, and, of course, because that’s how we are taught at the beginning of the training.

But as time has gone on, and I have been held as I delved deep into my own trauma, I can (and am comfortable with) reciprocating with others.

So this essential combination of internal and external experience becomes the foundation of the recipe for a “good” practitioner.

Of course, this also includes continuing education through reading, additional training, supervision, and in-depth discussions with colleagues.

Having this discussion intermittently over the last month has solidified in my mind that I’m not at all afraid to acknowledge that I have my own practitioner.  That I’m continuing to do new training.  And that, at this point, I have over 1300 hours of experience working with people, using SE.

For those in the know, that’s a far cry from the 10,000 hours typically required to become an expert.  And I would never presume to call myself that.  However, interesting research shows that it takes fewer hours dramatically if you practice from a place of deep curiosity and playfulness, with effort. 

After a month of winter holiday and separate work, my practitioner is back, and I am so glad!

I have had so much go on in my system and life over the last month-plus, it’s been almost overwhelming. 

Instead, I have mostly been able to keep my head above water, on the personal level.  Which feels like the biggest win of my life.

Four years ago, I would never have been able to consider doing and handling the things I have had going on over the last year…  Solo overseas travel, renting a car to nonchalantly drive on the “wrong” side of the road.  Deep, old personal work.  Growing a business, adding excellent group work.  Becoming a globe-trotting SE training assistant. 

Honestly, seriously contemplating one of those things would have thrown my system into a deep freeze (depression, anxiety, Fibromyalgia flare-up, general misery).

Instead, I’m in discomfort because my regular practitioner was away for a while.

To be clear, I had the wherewithal to cobble together some other expert support.  I had a session each week after Christmas with someone I had found to be wonderful during my training last year.

They were very helpful in getting me through.  And I did get some good work done with them, resolving and clearing up some fascinating stuff in a way that has allowed me to make decisions and look forward, something I haven’t been able to do recently. 

And, still, she’s back!  After almost three years of work with this practitioner, I know how meaningful that relationship is.  We know and trust each other.  She’s not just my practitioner, she’s my mentor and friend.  (A relationship diversification that we have discussed is not available in very many professional venues.)

We had one session where I was able to slowly, in a titrated manner, lay out allthethings from the last five weeks of my crazy internal and external life.  And in the very next session, we went super deep, possibly the oldest stuff we’ve worked on, crib-era Betsy.

So if you’re wondering if the practitioner-client relationship is essential… it is.

Find the right one for you!  Someone who speaks to you and your soul in a way that makes you want to open up.  Someone whom you might like to be friends with, if that feels important.  Someone you respect and can feel safe with- even when you’re triggered and they’re the one who triggered you (sometimes that’s their job).

 Is it me?  Amazing, I’m so glad.  Let’s do this thing.

 Find the right practitioner for you!

Someone who makes you want to open up. Who you respect and can feel safe with—even when triggered.