Here are a couple of tangible examples of increased nervous system capacity.

Yesterday, in our second-to-last Collapse Resilience group meeting of the series, the topic of conversation leaned toward our feelings about what’s going on.

Righteous indignation and pain over how “othered” humans are being treated.

Horror about the trajectory of this country.

Anger around the pettiness and greed for power and wealth that is destroying the planet for future generations of humans and countless other species.

Curiosity and interest about how we can each handle it and continue existing, influencing, and being through it all.

And you know the most fantastic thing about this conversation?

We were all ok!

Really, truly, everyone stayed within their nervous system capacity. There was curiosity and interest through anger, horror, pain, and indignation.

With an edge, perhaps. Of course.

But we were together. Holding an incredible container where we could be all these things, in turn and together, and still be regulated.

Don’t get me wrong. We stopped with time to spare and did a deep embodiment exercise so that the charge of this discussion didn’t leave the space we held.

When was the last time you were able to discuss what’s going on without shutting down, or losing your shit?!? This felt miraculous.

But it wasn’t. It was a carefully created and curated container, held by me (at first), then by everyone in the group.

I’ve talked about capacity in the last few weeks. This is an example of how capacity can vary across situations.

When I’m talking about the zone of confidence, I always end with,”And you didn’t sleep well last night”.

Of course, our history creates our nervous system capacity. We tend to focus on all the “bad” stuff that has limited our ability to stay present while we activate and settle.

We can handle more if we have had the right kind of support in the past.

Similarly, we can handle more, right now, with the right support.

Notice that you might reach for the phone (to text or call a trusted someone) when you feel unbalanced? How about when you’re in the presence of your practitioner? And sleep, of course. If your body is physically resourced, you’ll be able to handle more.

What I am talking about above is this increased capacity in the presence of trusted others. It’s about coregulation, validation, and balance.

That is why groups can be so powerful. We share each other’s capacities, and as a result, we are all stronger and more capable.

Here’s another example:

As we do our work, allowing our bodies to heal from past stress and trauma, things can shift so slowly that we hardly recognize them.

Then we will ask, or be asked, to do something so far out of our ordinary lives that we get the chance to see how different we are.

That is what the last ten days have done for me.

I am currently flying home from Greece, where I assisted with an SE training.

Even as I try to describe how the last week and a half went, I find myself noticing how different things are from how they were years ago.  Even one year ago.

When I decided to take on this challenge, it was mostly because I wanted to immerse myself in the SE world, help others learn this model I love so much, and connect with colleagues from around the world.  And I have always wanted to travel.

Two birds, one stone, so to speak.

I abstractly knew that traveling alone to a country where English is not the primary language was going to be… interesting.  It was why I didn’t take extra time this trip to sight-see.  I wanted to get my feet under me first.

What I forgot was that the way I have gotten through most hard things in my life was to click into overwhelm… functional freeze. 

I have always been able to do things. Still, it’s by pushing myself beyond my nervous system capacity and then basically dissociating from myself and my feelings of panic and overwhelm.

In practice, this has always worked quite well, and (aside from a fatigue-induced meltdown or two) looks remarkably competent.

Which is how this trip was so very different.

I didn’t just look competent, I felt it.

When I arrived in Greece in the dark, I used technology to navigate the metro and get to my Airbnb.  And when I couldn’t figure out how to get into the apartment, I stayed calm and kept trying different things until I jiggled the key just right.

There were many moments like those, where the old me would have felt terrified, and I would have just shut down.

And I didn’t, not once.

I socialized so much more than I am used to that I can’t imagine a percentage to give it (1000%?)

I stopped in shops and ate alone.  I went sightseeing a little on my own.  I walked blisters into the soles of my feet and kept going for the next week.

But it never felt like too much. 

Of course, there was activation. 

Sometimes a lot.  But never more than I could handle, because I have dramatically more capacity, and I know what works when I can’t handle it myself.  Phoning a friend is one of the fastest ways for me to handle a big surge.

I can only imagine that I would have seemed competent and drifted my way through the whole trip if it had been even last year.

The work I have put in on myself, learning, stretching, healing, and strengthening, continues to prove its value.

Keep at it, folks!  It just gets better.

I am also grateful to be returning home, back to my small family, back to my practice of wonderful clients and groups.

Every time I assist, I come away with a deeper understanding of the tools I use. 

And this time, I also return with a feeling of achievement in/of presence.

That functional freeze and dissociation will always be there when I need it.  But I love not needing it so much.  Life is much more fun for me when I can be here for it!