“If this work can be so subtle, and slow, and weird, how will I know if it’s working?”

 It’s a good question that I get a version of all the time.

 It’s why I always ask new-to-me people what they are coming for, hoping it will be different, or what they want to change in their lives.

Not because I expect those things to change immediately.

But because they will change.  Possibly slowly and subtly enough that the person living it won’t recognize it until it’s pointed out to them.

 It’s fun to be the person who gets to point it out.

Back to the question, though.  What does this work, working, look like?

It’s easier to describe when we are working with a single incident of trauma (shock).  I suspect that this relative ease is why it’s what’s talked about in the context of Somatic Experiencing and other somatic trauma modalities.

Successfully working with a fall from a horse might look like less nervousness about riding in general.  Or it could feel like less of the hip pain that you didn’t even realize started some time after the last big fall you took.

A knee replacement may lead to greater stability, less pain, and a stronger connection between your lower leg and foot.

Carefully working through the body’s response to an assault by someone you see frequently could mean that you no longer cringe when you see them, perhaps you can even look at them steadily and see what a mess they are.

These are a few (compiled) examples from recent work clients have done with me.

As I said, this isn’t easy work, but it is easier to explain, and it works more quickly. 

Most people I work with, however, have accumulated trauma patterns from complex, developmental, and/or many small and large shock traumas.

 And that can look different.  It can take months or years to feel different enough to really notice on your own.

That’s a long time, and a lot of work.

But imagine developing friendships in completely different ways.  Where are you, all the time, and you can say what you feel and what you mean.  And you know that your new friends do the same?

Or how about realizing that you aren’t buzzing with anxiety all the time.  Instead of being exhausted and drained all the time, just because your body is working so hard to slog through the constant activation, you actually notice when you are activated.  Because it is no longer the state you live in all the time.  Imagine making choices in your life from a place of calm instead of constant overwhelm.

How about doing a couple of household chores again?  It could be that you find yourself doing little tasks regularly, so they don’t build up.  Maybe you can see and take care of individual piles, rather than being completely swamped by the sheer amount of work that needs to be done.

More joy.  More peace.  More self-esteem. 

Maybe not all the way there, but more.  Or any.

And then there is the next level for some people, where your overall baseline is good enough to manage discrete traumas.

That is where most people get to with long-term work.  

Where the day-to-day has stopped being awful, and there is space to dig deeper, work with newly uncovered stuff. 

I personally find it rewarding, both personally and professionally. 

But it is hard to point to. 

Because every one of us has been through a different combination of influential factors, and we each came out with a different nature.

And that brings me back to asking, “What is it you want to be and feel different?  More of what?  Less of what?”