How do we know if developing a relationship with someone is a good fit?

In this moment, I am thinking about the practitioner/client relationship, but I suspect my thoughts from this morning would be meaningful in other circumstances.

A colleague and I were discussing the idea this morning. 

And I have experienced this from all sides of the equation, at this point.

I’ve had just the right practitioner, who got me and my nervous system, and with whom I have done great work.  I don’t want to miss those appointments, even though I am concerned about how I’ll feel working with what I’ll be working with.

I’ve had practitioners who were just right for a short period of time.  They got me through something, or they had just the right skills to help me level up, and then they weren’t as helpful anymore.

I’ve also had practitioners who weren’t a good fit.  I have even stayed with them because they were the only option. 

I did good work, but it always felt like I was beating the odds.  Or perhaps I was just so determined and managed my own care enough that my body did the work regardless of who was holding the container for me.

Incidentally, this is a great example of how it’s not the practitioner that heals you.  They/we just set the conditions so the client’s body/mind can heal itself.

I have also had clients who were (still are) a great fit.  These are humans whom I look forward to seeing every time, and I always feel I do my best work with them.

The rapport I have with a couple of my OG clients is so good that we have grown and changed together.  They started with me when I was learning and beginning to use SE, so I now know and use many different techniques and skills.  And so do they. 

I have had many clients who were a decent fit.  There might be someone better out there for them, but we work together well, and I am constantly challenged to try new things because my go-tos don’t quite resonate.  I am happy to have these folks work with me for as long as it feels good to them. 

And finally, I have worked with people who are a bad fit.

Just as having a practitioner who isn’t a good fit is, these are wonderful humans. 

We don’t work particularly well together.  Maybe I can’t say anything in a way they understand.  Or I struggle to find the enthusiasm to really show up for them.  Or I get the feeling that they could be progressing further than they are, and I can’t seem to figure out why they aren’t.

Sometimes a bad fit is personality.  Sometimes it’s skill and experience level. 

I am also imagining that someone could be a great fit for me if they got that transition practitioner, like I was referring to earlier.

I can’t be everything to everyone.  And trying to do so will burn me out and make some folks think I am a terrible practitioner.

And I was saying to my colleague earlier that now that I am more present and in my body, further along on my own healing journey, I can feel it far earlier than I used to.

Part of that is experience.  Having over 2000 hours of experience means that, although I am not an expert, I know what it can be like.  And how bad it can be.

Let me offer this.

I would far, far prefer to exchange time, trust, and money with resonant humans.  And I want to keep my practice filled with them.  It makes me excited to work.  Excited to learn more about them.  And motivated to take even better care of myself.